If there’s anything I’ve learned
in life, it’s that I don’t know what I want.I’ve gotten pretty proficient at pushing away what I think I want, while
I’ve been yearning more for what I feel I need.I’m learning to differentiate between the two, and I think maybe it’s
the difference between listening to your heart, and listening to your
soul.The heart wants what it wants and
though people always say to follow your heart, it never really served me well
to follow mine.I usually end up
fighting with my head on it, and my heart ends up the worse for wear.I used to be envious of what others had, and
imagined I wanted the whole “white picket fence” thing, but I’ve come to
realize I wasn’t meant for that.I think
the past eight or nine years have shown me I’m more solitary now, and
recognizing that brings a certain contentedness.
Certain, but not complete.Because while I’ve made peace with my heart,
it’s my soul that I still need to answer to.And it’s getting increasingly restless.
I’m not quoting Jon Stewart in
this blog, but I am going to quote a line from the song Walk with the Night by the Silencers, because it just came across
my playlist and falls into place with my thoughts and the photo I’m using:
…ghosts on a wild night
whisper my name
they call to me from
far away…
I think those ghosts are whispering to my soul.They know where I’ve been and where I should
be heading.They know me inside and out
because they are a part of me.I’m going
to listen to them and follow my soul, because that is the only way I will end up
exactly where I’m supposed to be.
So as most of you know, I’m doing the Thirty* Day Song
Challenge. I use an asterisk because the challenge was originally for thirty days but sine July has thirty-one, I added an additional day and challenge (this is me, in typical fashion, modifying rules ;) )
Five days in, and Dave Coon
had the brilliant idea of putting this challenge in blog format. Normally, after posting a blog I don’t go back
to edit it, so we’ll see how well this works editing and adding to it each day. If things get screwy (i.e., font and
formatting don’t stay consistent), I’ll end up scrapping the blog. But for now, here we go...
Day 1 - Your favorite song:
“Hallelujah” - I love this song by just about any artist, but I
especially like Jason Castro's version.
(For the record, Jeffrey Gutt's version is a close second):
Day 2 - Your least favorite song:
"Somewhere over the rainbow" - anyone's version. I know a lot
of people love this classic song, but I've always hated it and groan whenever a
contestant on a singing competition covers it. And honestly, I was never a huge
fan of this movie either *ducks*
Day 3 – A song that makes you happy:
"Sad Man's Tongue" by Volbeat. When a friend introduced me to
this band, it was with this song. I was instantly obsessed, and later got to
see them in concert. I love Volbeat, and this song makes me feel happy
(especially when I'm driving down the freeway and it's playing LOUD) lol!
Day 4 –
A song that makes you sad:
“See You Again” - by Wiz Khalifa (ft. Charlie Puth).I never saw any of the Furious movies or any
movie that I can recall, with Paul Walker in it. But every time I hear this song or see this
video, it really gets me.
Day 5 -
A song that reminds you of someone:
“Dakota” by Stereophonics.Just because.
Day
6 - A song that reminds you of somewhere: "Loch Lomond" by Runrig. There are only two songs that come to mind
that remind me of a specific place. One
was “meh.”The other, this one, makes me
smile. Such a beautiful area, Loch Lomond, I can’t wait to go back next summer :)
Day 7 -
A song that reminds you of a certain event:
“Stop Your Crying” by Bob Mould.I’m not going to go into details, but there
was a period where I remembered who I was, re-asserted my independence and
listened to this song over and over super loud and super a lot and felt it to my core. Basically, I was obsessed with this song, and I never looked back.
Day 8 -
A song that you know all the words to:
“Sorry” by Buckcherry.I probably know all the lyrics to many songs,
but this was the first one that came to mind.I really love this song, and I’ve sang it all the way through at a few
Buckcherry concerts.
Day 9 -
A song that you can dance to.
First, define “dance” ;) “When she begins” by Social Distortion.This is probably my favorite Social D song,
and I have “danced” to it at many of their concerts.
Day 10
- A song that helps you fall asleep:
“Fell Asleep” – Big Big Train.I don’t remember where I first heard of these
guys, but somehow I stumbled across this song. I like the lyrics and the song is pretty mellow and soothing.
Day 11
- A song from your favorite band:
“Ramona” – The Ramones.In case anyone ever wondered where my other
persona came from…
Day 12
- A song from a band you hate:
“Every Breath You Take” by The Police. I could have picked any song here and it wouldn't have mattered. This is not going to be on the side of popular opinion - sorry (*not really*) but I always hated this band. And I never liked Sting's solo singing either. There's just always been something about his voice that rubbed me the wrong way.
(Having said that, I do like this song, when someone else sings it :D )
Day 13 -
A song that is a guilty pleasure
“Best
Song Ever”- One Direction (don’t
judge :P)
Day 14
- A song that no one would expect you to love:
“Thrift Shop” by Macklemore & Ryan
Lewis.I’m not sure if this is a song no
one would expect me to love, since I *think* it’s common knowledge that I do
like hip hop and some rap.But when my
daughter and niece used to consider this song “their jam” they’d sing it often,
and I kind of got hooked on it.
Day 15
- a song that describes you:
“Boss of Me” by They Might Be
Giants.I thought about this one for a while,
trying to find one end-all, be-all song that describes me. How do you pick only one song? (It did occur to me, however, that "pick one song that you feel describes me" would be a fun stand-alone FB status game ;) Anyway, back to me picking the song for myself....several ran through my head but in the end, I decided I had to go with
my catch-phrase because, well… you know :P
Day 16
- A song that you used to love but now hate:
“Cinema” – by Skrillex. This one was
tricky because I either have always liked a song, or I never liked it to begin
with.I really couldn’t come up with any
that exactly fit this category.So,
while I don’t ‘hate’ this song, I’m more or less (mostly) over it.
Day 17
- A song that you hear often on the radio:
“Menouthis” by E.S. Posthumus. My son got me into cinematic and
orchestral music (just like he did with metal – lol!). But I literally never listen to the
radio.I do, however, currently have forty-eight channels
that are on shuffle all day long on Pandora, and this song seems to get rotated through quite a bit.At least, I always notice every time it comes
on. And fortunately, I love this song :)
So I'm a little behind because I'm on vacation and wi-fi is sketchy, so I'm going to post two in a row to catch up:
Day 18
- A song that you wish you heard on the radio:
"Duality" by Slipknot. Again, I never listen to the
radio, but I don’t think metal gets the
airplay that it should. So, it would be
awesome if this song was played, because I love this song (and the video is
kinda rad).
Day 19
- A song from your favorite album:
"From Eden" – Hozier, from his self-titled album. This is one of my favorite songs from the album, but I also love "Take Me to Church" and honestly, every song on the album. The first song I ever heard from him was "Like Some People Do" that was featured on SYTYCD. All these songs, and this man's voice, just take me someplace else. I don't know how else to describe it, but whenever I listen to this album, it moves me.
Day 20
- A song that you listen to when you’re angry: “Die MFer Die” by Dope *WARNING*
Don’t listen to this if you get offended easily. It’s an angry song and riddled with
F-bombs. But when I'm really pissed off it's a great song that gets me all fired up and after listening to it on repeat for a while, the aggression gets released and I'm in a better mood ;)
I'm back from vacation and catching up (btw, it took me FOUR hours to drive what should have taken ninety minutes, at 2:30 in the afternoon - why wasn't everyone at work?? Bay Area traffic is stupid). Anyway....
Day 21
- A song that you listen to when you’re happy:
“Keelhauled” by Alestorm.There are just so many elements to this song
that I love, it appeals to the rebel pirate in me :D
Day 22
- A song that you listen to when you’re sad:
“Toward the Sun” by Thirst.This was a local band (the band dispersed a
long time ago and the lead singer, Mike Comfort, is now recording solo).Both solo and with Thirst, his is a voice
that I love, especially his ballads and love songs.I could have easily used this one for Day 15
(a song that defines me).This song really
resonates and just cuts through my heart.
http://picosong.com/gQiM/
Day 23-
A song that you want to play at your wedding:
“Thinking Out Loud” – Ed Sheeran.For no other reason than this.song.makes.me.melt
*sighs*
Day 24
- A song that you want to play at your funeral:
I had
to think a little about this one, and the more I thought about it, the more I
began compiling a playlist. Of course, the
Ramones song ‘Pet
Cemetery’ came to mind (“I
don’t want to be buried in a pet cemetery”) as well as The Toy Dolls’ “No Particular Place
to Go” because, well that's just funny.“I’ll
Fly Away” (the Flatfoot 56 version) is another contender, as well as “The
Departed” by Sully Erna (because his voice is kind of out of this world), “Castles
in the Air” by the Hoodoo Gurus because I’ve loved that song for years, and one
of my all-time favorite songs “Into the Mystic” by Van Morrison.Then I was thisclose to choosing “Fade Away”
by Black Stone Cherry because the lyrics speak to me and it’s a song I’ve been
obsessing over lately. (btw, I haven’t
included links to these songs since I’m only ‘supposed’ to pick one song, so in
my head I haven’t really cheated, even though the songs are readily available
on Youtube, should anyone be so inclined).
Anyway,
one song – I’m picking “Drift Away”
by Uncle Kracker because I get lost in this song whenever I hear it. It kind of calms the restlessness in my heart. That, and when I do drift away, I’m taking my
tunes with me :P
Day 25
- A song that makes you laugh:
“Muppet N.A.M.B.L.A.” – Leftover Crack ft. The Distillers
“Why
are there so many songs about rainbows and who gives a f*ck anyway” – brilliant!
This song cracks me up whenever I hear
it. lol!
Day 26
- A song that you can play on an instrument:
“Storytime” by Nightwish.Well, I cannot play any instrument (though
I’ve always wished I could play the piano.Funny, considering I’ve bought my son two and while he excels at it, I
never did get around to learning it myself).Anyway, I didn’t want to let a day go by without posting a song, so I’m
going with this one. “IF” I could play
an instrument, I’d like it to be any featured here because let’s face it, this
song is just epic.It’s one of my Top
Three Nightwish Songs (and these guys are AMAZING live, btw).
Day 27
- A song that you wish you could play:
“Für Elise” by Beethoven. So I've mentioned in previous days that certain songs make me melt. This one trumps them all and has been my favorite classical piece for as long as I can remember. Play this song for me on piano, and you will have my heart. Though if I could just learn it myself, I'd be set ;)
Day 28
- A song that makes you feel guilty:
Yeah….I
got nothing for this prompt. While there
are songs that are a guilty pleasure, there are no songs that make me feel
guilty. This prompt is dumb – lol!So, instead I’m making today “random song day.”
I put my iTunes on DJ Mix and am posting
a video to the first song that came up, which happens to be “California Love” by Tupac ft. Dr. Dre.I’m not too surprised this is the first song
that came up – it’s one of my favorites on my iPod, and I listen to it quite a
bit :)
Day 29 - A song from your childhood:
Well, from my childhood, it would have to be this 'song' - the theme to Speed Racer - lol! I watched this show every day as a kid (and as an adult I still watch it, having recorded the episodes onto VHS fifteen(ish) years ago, which allowed my kids to grow up with this show as well). So I always smile whenever I hear this song.
Taking this prompt one step farther, I'm also including a song from my youth - "A Million Miles Away" by The Plimsouls. Their album Everywhere at Once was THE go-to album of my best friend and I during our multiple road trips to L.A. and back during the 80s. Sure, there were tons of other albums and bands we listened to, but if there was one definitive album for us, it was this one.
Day 30: My favorite song from this time last year:
"Lay Me Down" by Sam Smith. Sam's album In the Lonely Hour almost made it as my favorite album earlier this month except it has two songs that bug the crap out of me. However, the rest of the songs move me to no end. I was obsessed with this song in particular, and still am today; it's haunting and plaintive and beautiful, and I feel it down to my soul.
Day 31*The original challenge was for thirty days,
but since July has thirty-one, I added my own prompt to today, which is “Favorite
Road Trip Song.”I have various “Fave’
comp cds that I burn for trips (some songs are included in this blog), but one
song that is always on the cd is “Kickstart My Heart” by Mötley Crüe.It’ a song that always gets me to turn up the
radio louder than it already is, and one that stays on repeat for longer than I
care to admit. Damn, listening to this
song now I’m thinking, all I need is a long open road before me ;)
And that's it for the song challenge. There are so many other favorite songs of mine, and genres that I didn't get a chance to share, but maybe someday there will be another challenge ;)
“No one can
escape time.It delivers us all to the
same end.”That’s a
quote I saw in the video game Persona 3 that my daughter had me play last
night.She asked me earlier if I wanted
to play a game with her, and I said “you know I’m not any good at video games.”She replied, “oh, but you’d be good at this
game.It doesn’t require any skill.”Um, thanks?Anyway, I loved that quote and it tied in with something that’s been on
my mind lately, and also coincides with this week’s Blogo topic.
Is life random?And if time delivers us all to the same end, is that end the destiny we
were meant to fulfill?We cannot escape
what we were destined to do, no matter how many – or which – lifetime it takes
us.
I don’t think we’re just taking a random walk
through life.I believe our destiny,
and the timing of our physical end in the bodies we now possess, were decided
before we took our very first breath of air.Our past, our purpose and our future are written in the stars, predetermined
by God or Fate.Many of us spend our
entire lifetime seeking our purpose in life.Some believe they’ve found it, but perhaps others are living out that
purpose without realizing it, that they are in fact doing what they were meant
to do.
Are people born to randomly come into their
accomplishments?Or were they
hand-picked by a higher entity to achieve a specific purpose?Maybe they are born into a new beginning to
complete what they hadn’t accomplished in a past life.What if we’re not assigned to a specific
cause, but were placed on this earth to love and guide one specific person?People talk of soulmates.I have a hard time believing in soulmates in
the sense that two lovers reunite in heaven to live out eternity happily ever
after.The term “soulmate” doesn’t necessarily
have to equate to eternal romantic coupling.
Perhaps what it means to be a person’s soulmate doesn’t
have anything to do with romance, but rather to be the nurturer and lover (again,
not in a physical manner) of a person by connecting with their soul,
understanding and meeting the needs of the soul and being a constant presence
in their life throughout eternity.And through
our purpose and actions, that person– now or in a future lifetime - achieves their intended purpose.Just because we don’t see the end result doesn’t
mean things didn’t happen exactly as they were intended.Life carries on in a domino effect, but
something before us had to put that first domino into place and strategically
lay out each one.The chain of events is
not limited to what our minds accept as fact, nor does it end when our bodies
do.
We are living in this present lifetime, but I don’t
believe it’s the only one our souls know.Every year, from January to December, we’ll have moments to
remember.As the years go by, our
minds forget a lot of those moments, but our souls never do. Whether it’s an
uncanny sense of deja-vu, or meeting someone that you instantly connect with or
swear you met before (was that really random?)
or an unexplainable yearning or soul-touching connection to a city or state or country that you’ve never been to before, perhaps there’s a reason for all of
that.
Reach
high, for stars lie hidden in your soul.If our purpose and destiny are written in the
stars, and stars lie hidden in our soul, and our soul has no beginning and no
end, then neither does our journey.It
is in us, but it is bigger than us.The
question is – is it random?It could be
that we are living out life exactly as we were meant to, we just don’t know it
yet.
So, I'll turn fifty in January.Never thought I’d openly admit that to
anyone.I certainly don’t act my age and likely never will.But the truth is, I’m actually looking
forward to it (turning fifty, not acting my age). The celebratory trip to Scotland next summer might have
something to do with that.But it’s not
just the trip – I have a new mindset now to go with this next chapter.I intend to live the next phase of my life the
way less traveled, in that, doing the unexpected and not only embracing -
but instigating - change. I am
reinventing myself. I even have my first
tattoo finally picked out to commemorate this milestone (sort of, it’s down to
two and yes, it will be a skull ;) But
more importantly, I am going to follow my restless heart.
I had an epiphany about a year and a half ago, driving along I-680 North under
a full moon, with the windows down and Runrig blasting out of the
speakers.I saw myself standing at the
edge of my final day on earth and as I looked back on my life I was asked “do
you have any regrets?”That’s a pretty
telling question to ask yourself.What regrets will haunt me after all my chances
are gone?I don’t regret anything
that I’ve done, but there are things I regret not having done.Most of those have to do with geography and
ignoring a decades-long yearning in my heart.It doesn’t even have anything to do with relationships; I’m okay with
being single the rest of my life.What
I’m no longer okay with is standing still.I felt alive with a sense of power that I could, at this stage
in my life, set myself on a new course.There was no reason why I couldn’t chase after my dreams and
find the answers that have eluded me.The only thing stopping me was me.The core question to be answered – where would I finally feel settled?
Currently, I live in my hometown.I was born here and with the exception of four years right after high
school, have lived here my entire life.Most of my family is here.But
does that make it home?I think that if I have a restlessness in my
heart and a yearning to be someplace else, even if I don’t know where that
someplace is, then I’m not ‘home.’And
I’ve had that yearning since I was a teenager.I always felt like I was just living here, but I never felt truly
connected.Now that my kids are older
and I will be an ‘empty-nester’ within the next couple years, change is on the
horizon.It will most definitely consist
of relocating, quitting my job of twenty years and starting over someplace
else.Scary thought, but the thought of
staying here in the same town the rest of my life is scarier.It’s just not me.Someplace is calling me, and I’m going to figure
out where and chase that dream to my satisfaction.I don’t know where I’ll end up, but it’s
going to be someplace that speaks to my soul.
I think that following the road less traveled is going to lead me home.
I'm
alive again on a Maymorning
Going to wipe the slate clean
Follow my dreams
All the yearning buds are here again
With the promise of a new life to come
Spring is here again
The sun is melting over the hills
All our roads are waiting
To be revealed
For this day in history has brought us to here
Now it's all there for the taking
The day is what you see
The light's returning, the work is in hand
All the cynics have vanished
From where we stand
All the chances wasted are drawing me near
And all around there's new life rising
From the winter fields
I'm alive again
I'm alive again
***
This was written for Blogophilia Week 9.8
Topic: The Way
Less Traveled
Bonus Points:
(Hard, 2 pts) Incorporate a line from
the movie "Steel Magnolias" (I did not)
(Easy, 1 pt) Include a full moon somewhere in
your write