1. I
once fainted and woke up in a stranger’s arms.
TRUE,
though it’s not as romantic as it sounds.
I was in fifth or sixth grade. It was the beginning of Fall, and we had
recently gone back-to-school clothes shopping.
My mom, sister, brother and I were at church, and I had insisted on
wearing my new clothes – so I was wearing new boots, a corduroy skirt and a
sweater. Only problem was, it was not
yet Fall weather. We had been standing a
while in the pew during the sermon, and suddenly I had a hot flash and felt
like I was going to get sick. Next thing
I know, some guy’s carrying me in his arms and I could see my mom walking right
in front of us, looking back to check on me.
Apparently, I had fainted in the pew.
My mom told me later that when it happened, her first thought was
“clutz, tripping in your new boots.” She
thought I just lost my balance and fell.
She said it wasn’t until a minute later when a woman in the pew behind
us tapped her on the shoulder and said “excuse me, but I think your daughter
just fainted” that she was like “oh, shit!” lol! So the guy was helping by carrying me to the
car, and I came to about half way there.
2. I
was once shot at while trespassing.
TRUE. It was a summer or two after I graduated high
school. I was living in the college part
of town, and became friends with the three guys who lived directly across the
street from me. One night one of them
told me that they were going to go to the old nuclear missile silos just
outside of town, and did I want to go?
My answer? Of course! Why
wouldn’t I?? So we went late at night, it
was dark (and full of terrors lol!). Since
the top of the chain-link fence had barbed wire, one of the guys cut a hole in
the fence that we could crawl through.
We were snooping around for a bit with our flashlights, then suddenly we
heard some guy shout “Hey! What are you
guys doing out here?!” I guess we didn’t
think there’d be on-site security. So we
start running back toward the fence when we heard a gunshot. We were like “omg is he shooting at us!?” In
hindsight, I’m sure he was just firing a warning shot in the air, but we didn’t
know at the time and it certainly made us run faster. We got to the fence and one of the guys just
barreled over it, cutting his hands a little in the process. The rest of us were frantically pacing the
fence, trying to find the hole we made.
Eventually we found it and made it out of there. It was definitely an adrenaline rush lol!
Here’s a video of
the site that I found online. I don’t
know who these people are, but the beginning of the video shows what the fence
looked like.
3. I
once made my sister drive across town to kill a spider for me.
TRUE. (Does no one remember the hairspray story?) Unfortunately, that blog was lost when
Myspace imploded :/ But it went
something like this:
It
was sometime between 2006 and 2008. I
had a small front porch, there was a post at the edge, and then some shrubbery
(which looked nice and wasn’t too expensive).
I pulled up on the street in front of my house, and the first thing I
noticed was that there was a HUGE spider between the post and the bushes. Seriously, I could see that sucker from the
street. So, as I’m wont to do when
spiders are involved, I panicked when I realized I had to get in its general
proximity to get into my house. I ran
and as quickly as I could, unlocked the front door and made it safely
inside. Then, I called my sister on the
phone and told her that there was a ginormous spider on my front porch and I
was basically trapped in my house and she had to come over and kill it. I could hear her rolling her eyes at me. Nevertheless, she dutifully drove right
over. When she got there I met her
outside and she agreed that it was indeed a huge spider and asked if I had
anything to spray it with so she could knock it down and kill it. I thought for a second, ran into the house,
grabbed a can, ran back outside and handed it to her. She looks at it and says “hair spray??” I said “yes, spray the shit out of the spider
and he’ll get sticky and won’t be able to move, then you can knock it down.” She shrugs and starts spraying the spider. But it starts trying to run to get away and
she says “it’s not working! What else do
you have?” Quickly I ran into the garage to look. “Will spray ‘n wash work?” I yell. “Only if it’s the foam” she yells back. So I grabbed the can and ran it back to her
and she sprayed the hell out of the spider until it finally fell down and she
was able to smash it.
4. I
was once snuck onto a submarine.
TRUE. It was back in the mid-80s when I was living
in L.A. I went down to San Diego with a
friend (and for the life of me, I can’t remember who I was with – Colleen, was
it you??) I don’t recall if we were at
the naval base or if there were just submarines at the harbor for an event (my
memory kind of sucks), but I do remember walking around and chatting with one
of the sailors, who then asked us if we wanted to take a look inside. Again, why wouldn’t we? I remember going down the ladder to one of
the levels (is that what they’re called?) and thinking there really wasn’t a
lot of room in there. We didn’t get very
far when someone noticed us and said “Hey, what are THEY doing in here?” (That
seems to have been a common query in my youth).
Anyway, the jig was up. We
quickly scooted on out and that was the end of the tour.
5. I
finally went to the movies by myself.
LIE. While I have no problem going to concerts by
myself (and have done so on a few occasions), I still have a weird hang-up
about going to the movies by myself. I
really should get over that.
6. I
once rode handcuffed in the back of a police car.
TRUE. So, mid-80s again, living in L.A. I was driving to a job interview. The company
I worked for was a temporary job at a construction site. The job was about completed so I was trying
to find another one. On the way, I got
pulled over for a car-related issue, I think either the muffler was a little
low or a brake light was out. Anyway,
after I gave the cop my license and registration, he comes back to my window
and says there was a warrant out for my arrest.
And I thought to myself “oh, shit!
It got that far??” The exact
reason for the warrant escapes me – it was either for unpaid tickets related to
my dog’s license, or it was for the illegal registration stickers on my license
plate. Could have been either one. But he told me he had to take me in, so I got
out of my car, he cuffed my hands behind my back and put me in the back seat of
the cop car and drove to the station. I
remember sitting in the back seat of the car thinking “well, f*ck.” At the station they uncuffed me and put me in
the holding cell. There was a wooden
bench to sit on, but I refused to sit down because I thought it was filthy and
I was wearing a white skirt. So I just
kept pacing and at one point another cop came in, glanced at me and then I
heard him ask the cop at the desk “what’s she in here for?” I’m sure I did look totally out of place in
there. Anyway, I finally got to make my
phone call, and I called my friend at work. She ended up pulling the boss from a meeting
to tell him what happened, and he came and bailed me out. That was a little embarrassing. I ended up having to pay a fine, and pay back
my boss, but I never had to actually serve time. So, there’s that 😊
